The loss of a close family member is never easy to take. I think grieving is the loss we feel for someone taken from us. In this case someone very special who I know I will miss. The funeral service yesterday was a reminder how great that sense of loss will be.
But there are consolations. The loss of someone dear can be a time when those left behind can give and draw strength from one another. A large family meal on the eve of the funeral (an even bigger one scheduled for last night fell victim to the weather - we were all a very long way from home and travel prospects for the next day were not promising) underlined the point. I just hope that we don't lose that real sense of the ties that bind us.
And there was a final act still to be played out. Following the committal the church was filled with the sound of a cherished favourite of hers - Vaughan Williams Lark Ascending. It was a present I remember buying her a few years ago and for a few minutes I realised that the gift I had given was now being shared. This beautiful piece of music had become a keepsake, one that will always remind me of her. What a wonderful way to say goodbye!
This is the point at which I have decided to reflect on where this blog is going. It began as an attempt to try and make sense of the world I live in. 3 years on and rather than continue to allow myself to be confused, frustrated, angered, heartened, inspired or amused by what goes on around me I have decided to stop being bemused and anchor myself to something more solid. In the past 14 months or so, in common with other Anglo Catholics I have been reflecting on how to respond to the prospect of joining the new Ordinariate. During the autumn I had one of those 'got it' moments, when things just became really clear. Now, inasmuch as anything makes sense to me, the Universal church does. I think now I would prefer to be there. I hope they'll have me.
So I am not sure I should really carry on with this when there are scores of far better informed and more erudite bloggers out there. I am not sure I have anything left worth saying. So for a while, I may just not say it.